Heating up while cooling down
by Nuredhel
Summary: Lindir is getting Lucky, Glorfindel is getting jealous and then rather irritated. What goes around comes around and he'll have a good laugh at the end. Silly parody, slightly mature themes, no slash. summary inside. Lindir/OC/ Glorfindel. Rated M. Parody/Humor/Romance. Lindir gets a rather unexpected letter and then the surprise of a Lifetime.


_A small story which showed up when i was busy milking of all things, I mean, Lindir is kind of cute and in almost every picture of him he looks a bit nervous and timid. I just thought that I would play a little with that fact and torture the poor elf a little. Well, not in a very cruel way anyway, just making a story with a little smut and humor that's all. After all I am not very evil ;)_

_Be warned, it contains some very mature content and themes, nothing very graphic but still, you are warned, smut-alert. _

_The story is a bit based on a Norwegian proverb, it is a bit hard to translate without losing the very point to it, it goes something like this." Som du roper I skogen får du svar" Meaning something like " As you shout out in the forest you'll be answered" I guess it means that you get returned what you are giving. This proverb has another version which is probably just made up for fun and it goes " Som du roter I skogen blir du far" It rhymes with the first one in Norwegian but the meaning is changed by the words that are different, now it means something like " If you're fooling around in the forest you'll become a father" And because of that I got this idea, so now you can kinda guess what this story is about. _

_I know that the endpoint to this story is a bit impossible if you consider how elves usually live and reproduce but I just imagined them a little more like humans in that matter just for the sake of the story. These things do happen and I bet it could cause quite a reaction too. But this is parody and humor and just written to get a good laugh so I hope you'll like it anyhow and chose to ignore the rather incorrect parts. _

_The cover art is my own as always and pardon me for not being able to make a drawing that actually looks like Lindir, I suck at portraits and since today was my washing day I have been busy doing house shores and my patience is running low so it became a very quick sketch I fear. _

_And nope, don't own any of the characters though I wish I did _

**Heating up while cooling down**

The summer heat was almost unbearable and the forest was rather quiet. Not even the birds had the energy to sing now, the air was shivering and the rider who was approaching the border of Imladris was trying to fan himself with a notebook. He was on top of a rather ragged old gelding and the horse was trotting along in a very sleepy fashion, it felt the heat too. Oh it would be wonderful to get back home, he was almost half dead from the heat and the waterfalls of Imladris were at least a source of some natural cooling. He had been sent to Mirkwood of all places on behalf of Lord Elrond and he had received some important letters from the king, he was so glad he was done with that mission. Being in the same room as Thranduil was terrifying enough and he had not managed to understand that the elven king in fact liked to frighten the minstrel a bit, he always stuttered and went pale and it was rather amusing to watch him squirm a little. Lindir had been followed by some guards but they had come across the tracks of orcs on the way and had to investigate and he was so close to Imladris now he would be safe. He would deliver the letters, then he would take a long and cold bath and return to his favorite hobby of making music. He deserved some days off now, Mirkwood was such a dark place and he knew nobody there and why did their king have to be so tall and intimidating? He felt like a tiny mouse or something every time he had met the king, he was barely able to say anything coherent.

The horse was a calm soul but suddenly it turned left and headed towards a river, Lindir tried to turn it back but it refused. "Oh, I guess you are thirsty? Well then, let's stop for a drink shall we?"

He let the horse walk down to the river, it was a rather huge pond right there and the water was flowing very slowly. It looked very inviting but he wasn't the kind of elf who would just forget about his duties and take a bath. No, not Lindir. He was not going to disappoint Lord Elrond and he was going to let his poor horse drink and ride on, he wanted to be home before dusk. The horse walked down to the river bank but didn't stop, it was hot and needed to cool off a little and it didn't really care if it had an elf on its back. It went in and Lindir squealed and tried to get the horse out of the water but no, it waded out until the water reached its belly, then it very slowly and with obvious glee let its legs bend and it lay down in the water. Lindir swore, he fell into the river and was suddenly drenched. He was soaking wet and he stared at the horse with obvious dismay. "You sack of oats, why did you have to do that? Oh great, I am dripping wet, look what you have done!"

The horse didn't mind, he just lay there, sighing with pleasure and Lindir waded up and tried to get rid of the water soaking his clothes. Damn, he would have to hang them up somewhere, it was so hot they would get dry in no time. Surely Elrond would understand his problem, damn stupid horse. He got out of the wet clothing and hang them onto the bushes, it did feel good though to be cooled down and so he thought that never mind and took a quick bath. The horse was still enjoying its bath so why shouldn't he exploit the situation? He was trying to get the tangles out of his long dark hair when he suddenly heard voices, he froze. There were some elves living by the borders and this had to be some of them. He was caught by a fit of panic when he heard that the voices were female, oh no! There were ellith heading this way and he was buck naked. He did the wrong thing, instead of running up onto the shore and grasping his still wet clothes to cover himself with he ran into the water again.

He gasped when he saw three young and very pretty ellith who came walking towards the river giggling and laughing. They stopped when they saw him and he felt how his cheeks and ears burned. The water was rather deep so he was covered up to his chest but it was clear and he felt terribly shy and nervous all of a sudden. Lindir often felt that way, he wasn't one of those very self-confident Ellyn who were flirting and bragging and making the ellith swoon. He was a rather timid elf who spent a lot of the day looking a bit like he expected anything bad to happen in just a few moments time. The ellith stopped by the river bank, they giggled again and he had turned his back to them and looked back over his shoulder. "Ah, ladies, pardon me, but I am not decent right now, if you could just turn back and walk into the woods for a few minutes I will be able to get my clothes back on without having to…ah…hurt your sense of decency?"

The ellith laughed and to his horror they just ran into the pond without hesitation. "Ladies?!"

His voice was a bit high pitched and he tried to find somewhere to hide, it was a bit troublesome when considering his situation. He just stood there with his hands shielding his crotch and stared at the ellith who didn't appear to be bothered by the fact that there was a naked male in the pond with them. Their dresses were made from a very thin fabric which turned out to be rather transparent when wet and Lindir was staring with his eyes wide open. The ellith just grinned. "Don't be so nervous, we usually don't bite. Relax, we won't hurt you, we just need to cool off a little."

The one who spoke was dark haired with very nice curves and the two others were a little shorter and blond. "I am Mercariel, these are Lissa and Nordariel, they are sisters, I am their cousin."

Lindir blushed, he could feel it. "I…I am Lindir."

Mercariel smiled. "Pleased to meet you, tell me, aren't you Lord Elrond's minstrel?"

Lindir nodded, he had to get out of there but how? "Yes, that is me, ah, if you could just turn around?"

Lissa grinned and waded closer to him. "Now why should we want to do that? You are not at all bad to look at you know, I think you are rather cute. We think we are rather lucky you know, to go to our pond and find such a handsome ellon in the water, it must be our lucky day"

Lindir was shivering, the water was getting a bit cold now and where was he to place his eyes? He was being impolite, he should be ashamed of himself! He was surrounded by temptation and so he chose to look straight up into the skies so that he wouldn't hurt these ladies honor in any way. He almost yelped when he felt a hand on his shoulder, Mercariel almost purred. "Tell me, are you really that shy? You have nothing to fear my friend, someone as handsome as you must be used to a little female attention?"

Lindir was gasping, her hand was caressing his shoulder and he was suddenly very warm again. "No, no I am not, I mean, I am not used to females…"

Nordariel just grinned, her pretty face looked very determined. "Now let's change that shall we, I can see that you like what you see."

He looked down, oh no, did he have no manners at all? He had of course had his fantasies and some of them had included situations pretty much like this one but three? And they were all obviously interested in a little more than just cooling down. He tried to back away but Mercariel was standing behind him and he backed right into her softer areas. He gasped and lifted his hands just as a reflex and then Lissa went into action. Suddenly he felt warm hands caress certain body parts nobody else than himself had been allowed near and it felt so amazing he almost passed out. He had to whimper. "Please, ladies, what are you doing?! This isn't decent behavior, you should consider your reputation and honor!"

Lissa smiled very sweetly. "Oh don't worry about us, we'll be alright you know. Nobody is gonna know about this unless of course you tell everybody. Just relax, believe me, we know what we are doing!"

He tried to push Lissa away but somehow he couldn't, what she did just felt too damn good. "We shouldn't…"

Mercariel was standing right behind him once more and he felt her kiss his neck and then she gently suckled his earlobe. "Oh yes we should, there's nothing wrong with a little fun now is it?"

He had to gasp, whatever doubts and objections he may have had were crumbling like a house of cards in a tornado, suddenly he had hands touching him nearly everywhere and it felt so amazing he was close to tears. Nordariel was leaning up towards him kissing him and she did really know how to do this, he had never imagined that being kissed could feel that good. Mercariel was chuckling. "You know, we females are wild about musicians, and you are positively irresistible, and you have quite an impressive instrument too"

Lindir was about to answer her when he noticed that Lissa had begun to use something else than her hands and he just stared down at her with eyes wide as saucers before he moaned and felt how his legs turned into jelly. Oh by the Valar, he could not believe it. He thought the other Ellyn exaggerated when they spoke of how good that kind of treatment felt but now he knew that they hadn't. Mercariel was embracing him and helping him remain standing upright and he had to surrender, lean his head back towards her shoulder and he just gasped as he felt how his body reacted. Nordariel was kissing his chest and playing with his nipples and he hadn't even noticed that they were sensitive before. He was getting there fast and tried to warn Lissa of his imminent release but she obviously already knew. He saw sparks fly and could not hold back a hoarse cry of pure pleasure, nothing had ever felt like this, nothing! He just closed his eyes and felt a bit dizzy, she had actually swallowed? That was just… He couldn't even have dreamt of something like this, he was close to tears and he could not believe that this had happened to him. Not that it was bad, not at all, in fact he probably never would have dared to approach an elleth by himself. To have them throw themselves at him was a bit easier to handle, and he felt like this was going to be his best day ever.

They kind of dragged him along back onto the bank and they had blankets and before long he was rather busy returning the favor. He had never been with a female before but somehow he knew what to do and he was apparently doing it well too because she was writhing and moaning and then she screamed and bucked underneath him and it felt amazing. The whole world was forgotten in a fog of pleasure and need and he thought that this had to be a dream, and if it was it was the best one he'd ever had. They were so lovely and so good to him and so aware of his wishes and their own and he learned a lot about ellith that he's never even thought possible before. They were making love on the beach, back in the water and in every position he knew of and quite a few of which he had been utterly ignorant. He felt as if he just couldn't get enough, and he was ready again in just a couple of minutes after having finished. Who would have known that cooling off could end up being so heated up?

He was resting on a blanket with the ellith laying around him in a heap of arms legs and hair, he was almost dozing off but it was getting dark and he needed to get back before anyone got worried and started looking for him. He felt like he weighed several ton and didn't really want to get up and leave. The ellith were sleeping and he was a bit proud of the fact that they all ended up very satisfied, and so had he. He yawned and kissed Mercariels brow, she was laid across his chest and she lifted her head and sighed. "Do you really have to leave us?"

He nodded. "Sorry, I have to deliver this important messages, have to go."

She moaned and let her hands follow the contours of his muscles, he wasn't as toned as a warrior but that didn't mean that he was weak in any way, after all, every Ellyn had to train with weapons, even the ones who probably never would see a battlefield. He kind of hated it but he did his training never the less. "Oh, please come back and visit us, it gets lonely out here."

He got his clothes back on and nodded. "I will, you have been amazing ladies, I'll never forget this."

She purred. "We neither, you're quite the stud!"

Lindir blushed from his head to his feet and managed to get the saddle back on his horse, it felt very insulted since it had started to think that it could stay there for the night and enjoy some very tasty grass and flowers. All the three ellith were back on their feet and kissed him goodbye and he returned their kisses with passion, just a few hours earlier he wouldn't even have dared to kiss a lady's hand, but now he was groping soft breasts and buttocks and they were just giggling and grinning. He felt tired but he wished that he could have stayed there with them, it had been unimaginable and like a fantasy come true. He wasn't a virgin any more, that was one thing he was proud of, and he had actually made those ellith quite impressed. He felt like he had gotten a lot more confidence and he was whistling as he rode along the path. He really felt like a male now and not an elfling, and he knew what he would be dreaming of for the next nights to come, beyond any doubt.

He reached Imladris right before midnight and was greeted by a guard who looked a bit surprised. "Lindir, where have you been? We expected you to return hours ago, Lord Elrond is quite worried and we were just about to send some guards out looking for you!"

Lindir cringed, he knew that he looked rather disheveled with his hair in tangles and his clothes full of sand. He would have to come up with a good lie! Luckily his saddlebags were waterproof so he grabbed the letters and ran to the lords study. Elrond was sitting by a desk studying a map when he entered, he looked very relieved when he saw the young ellon and grinned. "Ah, Lindir, good to see you. You are kind of late?"

He stared at the minstrel, the young ellon had sand on his clothes, pine needles in his hair and he looked a bit silly. Lindir stuttered. "Ah, my horse got thirsty and I wanted to let him drink and then he just laid down in the water and I got wet all over and tried to dry my clothes and then he took off, the horse that is, and…"

Elrond just sighed and waved him off, how typical of poor Lindir, he always had these small accidents, it seemed that the ellon was drawn to strange happenings. "Well, I am glad to see that nothing serious have happened to you, go get some rest, you look as if you need it, and a bath too. Did you run through the bushes to catch that horse?"

Lindir just nodded and blushed and Elrond didn't notice the tiny glimpse of guilt in his minstrels eyes, Lindir didn't like lying to anyone but he didn't want to share this story with others. No way! He bowed to his lord and left the study, the bath house was not far from his home and so he went there and got his dirty clothes off, he put a towel around his waist before he entered the room with the rather big pool. He saw that there was just one other ellon there and he breathed a sigh of relief. He always felt shy around others, even those of his own gender. He saw that it had to be Glorfindel and when he got closer the golden haired warrior saw him and smiled, greeted him in a friendly manner. He was obviously trying to get the tangles out of his very long hair and he didn't really look at the minstrel until he was ready to go into the pool, then he noticed something and his eyes got huge and his grin rather wide. "Lindir, what in the name of Sauron have you been doing?! Damn, I have both seen and received some _battle_ wounds in my time but those are impressive!"

Lindir frowned, he looked utterly confused until he turned around, a mirror hang on the wall there, and he gasped when he saw what Glorfindel had noticed. He had a huge hickey on both sides of his neck, two on his chest of which one was around his nipple and if he didn't misinterpret the strange tingling in his skin a bit below his navel he had one there too. He quickly checked, yes, she had definitely put her mark on him. There were scratch marks over his shoulders and back and as he turned and checked his reflection he realized why his butt had felt a bit sore, one of them had actually bit his left buttock, heck, he didn't even remember her doing that!

He whimpered and Glorfindel stared at him with awe in his eyes. "Lindir, she must have been quite a wildcat? I mean, those scratch marks? Respect !"

Lindir cringed. "Ah they were rather…vigorous!"

Glorfindel gasped. "They? THEY?! Don't tell me that you have been in a freaking orgy?!"

Lindir looked down, his cheeks were burning like crazy and he had to smile, he could not help it remembering it all. "Well, as a matter of fact, yes, I guess you could call it that, I just met these three ellith and…"

Glorfindel shook his head in disbelief. "Three ellith at the same time, by the Valar Lindir, I would never have imagined that you'd ever dare touch an elleth. And now you have been banging three in one afternoon?! Talk about hidden talents!"

The minstrel had a rather sheepish expression on his face. "It was kind of nice, once I got used to it I mean, and they liked it too."

Glorfindel coughed, he still shook his head in confusion. "Well, if you managed to satisfy three ellith like that then I am bowing to you my friend. Forget everything I have ever said about you being a coward for not wielding a sword, I see now that the kind of sword you were made to wield is quite the different type. You were probably born to fight you're battles in the bedroom."

Lindir grinned, the golden warrior still looked shocked, he probably would have looked more at ease if a balrog dressed in a light blue tutu started dancing the cancan right in front of him wielding a conductors staff. He looked down at his fingernails with a satisfied smirk. "They did call me quite a stud."

Glorfindel sighed. "Damn, I am telling you Lindir, if the ellith find out about this then first of all the rest of us will end up being utterly ignored and second of all, you will be as sought after as a jar of honey in a pen filled with bears. The ellith will be swarming around you lad"

Lindir got a peculiar expression on his face, it looked as if the idea actually tempted him a bit. Glorfindel grimaced. Those three ellith whoever they were had apparently created a monster, and he was afraid that he from now on would have to put up quite an effort in order to get the female attention he wanted and needed. Having Lindir as a rival? That idea had never crossed his mind before but now it was rather obvious that the shy and timid minstrel had found a new hobby and that he would pursue it rather eagerly. Glorfindel swore to himself that he never would tell anyone of this, maybe Lindir would keep his mouth shut so things could remain as they were but no, his hopes were crushed. It wasn't before long that they noticed that Lindir suddenly became extremely popular among the ellith, Glorfindel heard one mention that he was really good at teaching her how to "sing" and that he had "a very sweet tongue".

The other Ellyn were almost ignored and started to get a bit grumpy since Lindir got the attention of all the young single ellith there. They said that the guards saw females sneaking out of his home almost every morning. Glorfindel could not believe that the Valar were so unjust towards the rest of them, he tried to charm the ladies like before but now they treated him and the other warriors like they were just not that very interesting at all. He was in fact getting rather annoyed, he had been the favorite of the ellith of Imladris and now he, the golden warrior, had to fight for their attention against none other than Lindir!? Heck, the ellon had been renowned for having almost passed out once when he accidentally caught sight of an elleth's nipple! And now he was more busy getting laid than a bunny during the mating season? The gods had become mad for sure.

Months passed and winter came and went and summer came once more. The situation was pretty much as it had been and Lindir was really enjoying the admiration of the females, he was starting to get very cocky and a bit too haughty and Glorfindel just wished that he could give that annoying minstrel a small lesson in how to behave, it wasn't fair that he got all the girls! Then one day Glorfindel and the other Ellyn got the break they had been praying for. A letter arrived and it was for Lindir. Glorfindel happened to be there when the minstrel received the letter and he saw Lindir read it. The minstrel looked a bit puzzled. "Hmm, it's from the three girls I met last summer, they have got a surprise for me they say, one from each of them. They want me to visit them, I wonder what that might mean, three surprises?"

Glorfindel had to turn around to hide the wide grin he knew was rather telling of his emotions, what goes around comes around and now Lindir would have to pay, and he bet continue paying too. The golden warrior was laughing so hard he had problems breathing. Two days later a very pale and obviously shocked Lindir returned to Imladris and he immediately started looking for jobs, mumbling something about "child-support" "Lawyer" and "bankruptcy".

The other Ellyn got the ellith to themselves once more and from now on the minstrel stayed clear of both ellith and ponds and if some eager young thing tried to sweet talk him into something he would just turn and run for his very life as if he suddenly had a pack of orcs at his heels. Things were thus back to how they had been and everybody was grateful for that expect perhaps poor Lindir who now had to learn that every deed done has its effect and for the next century he would have to pay the price for that one wonderful evening in the woods. Needless to say most of his songs from that moment on could best be described as "Blues".


End file.
